There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
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I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
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I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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