i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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