the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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