I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
