I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
