you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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