I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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