there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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