my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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