I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
