Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I smell stomach acid.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
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