capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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