When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
