marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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