fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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