she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
