It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
