i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
You're like the curious george of whores
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
