Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
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