I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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