so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
