Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Randomize
