My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
