I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i came on her dog
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
