why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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