are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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