i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
