I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
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