Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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