I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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