i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
