remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
