my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize