You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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