Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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