she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
