Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
well most of my day revolves around power hour
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
