just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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