babies were throwing up all over the place
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
