I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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