can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
