last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
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the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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