omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
