literally had 100 drinks last night.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
