): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
