You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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