So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
