I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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