I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
