Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
