i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
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