The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
