he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
