i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
