you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
