why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
