i will never coherently bang her
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
