I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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