absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
