and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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