Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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