Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
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I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
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He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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