I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
