She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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