She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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