mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Randomize
